I don't think I have ever read a backhanded positive review of a beer so I can only assume the author is serious:
It flattens quickly when warm, so chill in the freezer to a minimum low (i.e. as close to freezing as you dare to go), and then feel free to guzzle. The lower alcohol and 95 calories are meant to minimize the negative effects of having “one too many,” and even if you do have an extra Canoe, beer has the added benefit of containing more water percentage-wise than any other alcoholic beverages, helping rehydration efforts. It’s not entirely clear what “slow-brewed” means here, but I can say confidently that if this is the little cousin of Moosehead, I wouldn’t be surprised.
To summarize (i) drink this beer so cold that there is no residual flavour; (ii) it's so weak that its high level of water is arguably its own antidote; (iii) the benefits seem to be as an alternative to Gatorade or water. So, is this a context specific beer review, a beer for a newbie who aspires to correct people when they call him a jogger? Or is it a debt to a buddy in PR being paid off? Whatever it is, just no sure why it makes a nationally distributed newspaper. Oh, I forgot. This is Canada. I wonder how many years we are away from a serious discourse on beer?