[Ed.: We are stunned to discover we were not the first to present a scripted response to "I am a Craft Beer Drinker" and applaud Reluctant Scooper for no doubt leading the charge. While we wait, we are happy to report that the following story board was found in the records of the Museo di Cinematrografico Equivoco in a file labeled "F. Fellini (non imparentato)."]
I am a Craft Beer Blogger
by F. Fellini
Scene 1: The Origins of Ice Cold.
[Soundtrack: Howling Blizzard Sounds.]
Light opens on an Arctic wasteland in black and white. The camera pans across a frozen Nordic plain before a rocky mountain range... until we seems something. A dot. Zooming at ground level we move towards a figure. He wears fur. As we zoom in closer, slowing we see that his mouth is wide, eyes wild. We realize is shouting once close enough to hear the scream over the wind. Subtitles tell us this is Knut. Knut of Norway. Zoom into his parka fur wrapped body, then face, then one eye as scream overwhelms the wind. He is screaming "Øl !" He screams a long bellowing "Øl !" to the four corners of the world. "Øøøøøøøøøøøøøøøøl !!!! He screams. Then, he stops. Silence. The eye closes.
Scene 2: The Man Who Slept Under Cans
[Soundtrack: "BabaYaga" from Mussorgsky's Pictures from an Exhibition.]
Eye snaps opens, now in colour. It is yellow and bloodshot. It darts around, gathering understanding. Slowly we zoom out from the eye to see that the eye is all we can see peeking out of a very large man-sized pile of Rodenbach cans, the only furnishings inside a bright sun lit London bedsit. Suddenly the pile moves. Suddenly upright, we see Mark Dredge. Empties clatter aside. Rising, he is fully dressed. To the beat, he marches out of the small can strewn apartment and out into the busy street. Crossing streets through traffic, pushing through high street crowds, he reads aloud from his mobile device: "Ales on now: Purity Mad Goose, Woodforde's Wherry, Harvey's Best. Next: Box Steam DeRail Ale." At 3:30 minutes 27 seconds in Baba Yaga he walks into The Gunmakers takes a long pull on the offered pint and drinks with deep satisfaction. Drinks for another 5 minutes as nothing much happens. Then types into mobile device: "Insanely hungover but saved by this pint of Mad Goose before me." The camera moves away and we start to spin. We move and zoom around the pub like an out of body experience with the closing majestic crescendo and suddenly down into - then through - the screen of his mobile device.