I read the Joe Sixpack columns that are published in the Philadelphia Daily News fairly frequently and I quite liked this one on Joe's drinking rules for freshmen entering university, including:
- Don't drink light beer. It is not real beer, and the calories you save are negligible.
- Don't drink malternatives like Bacardi Silver, either. They're alcoholic delivery devices that cynically take advantage of your unfortunate addiction to sugar. You are smarter than that.
- Drinking on a budget? Avoid heavily advertised brands. Milwaukee's Best is widely regarded as the best-tasting cheap American lager.
- No one ever drinks as much as they say they drink. Upperclassmen always brag, but they're only looking to see you get plastered.